It was raining. I stared out of the window of my attic room as the raindrops slowly trickled down the window. I knew it was over, we both did. But neither one of us had the heart to say what had to be said. There was still love, but it had FADED. I didn't think that she would miss me if I left. I didn't really care if she did and so all I seemed to do was hurt her. I just couldn't let her in anymore than I had and for her, it wasn't enough. She came into the room, wearing the look that meant business, she wanted an argument; I could feel it. "Where the hells the love gone", she demanded, "Where the hells the trust gone". I couldn't have this conversation yet again. We'd been over it so many times. I had to get away from her. I grabbed my coat and with a shout of, "I'm GOING OUT", I headed for the pub. It's mad to think that something as simple as magazines could ultimately be enough to DESTROY US. But they were her bible. I couldn't live up to her expectations of what a twenty-first century guy should be. She'd sit there and read about other people's lives and then demand answers as to why I had to be so closed and cold. I couldn't tell her when I didn't know myself, so I left. Of course I blamed it all on her. I started drinking more and more and would end up in the pub telling anyone who'd listen, that she had loved herself more than she had loved me and that she was the one who was in the wrong. I think I was probably trying to convince myself more than them. She would have said that I was 'SHOUTING SOUP', had she been there. My attempts to block out life increased as the days and weeks went past; she hadn't come crawling back to me as part of me hoped she would. My daily routine consisted of, get up, skin up, finish last nights final can of beer if I hadn't used it as an ashtray and sometimes even if I had. Then I'd set about finding some female companionship. THE WHOLE OF A WOMAN would take my mind off things for a while. As long as there were no strings attached. My friends told me I needed to calm down, to look after myself a bit better, the whole 'VITAMINS AND MULTIGYMS' routine. It fell on deaf ears. I'd found the ultimate in 'no-strings sex'. SOMEONE-ELSE'S WIFE! Then one day, about three month after I walked out, I saw her in town. My stomach flipped at the sight of her and I greeted her awkwardly. I didn't blame her anymore, I told her that I missed her and wanted her back, I assured her that I would change and that I'd make her feel as I never had done before, it was a SCARY CONVERSATION, but I meant every word. I promised I would be more like her magazine HEROES. She said that she needed to think things over and that she would call me. From then on my mobile was never out of my sight. Every time it rang I hoped to see her number on the display. But it was never ELINOR. I hid my disappointment well and as time passed I began to realise that she probably wasn't going to call. I had ruined it. If only I had listened to her when we were still together; trust me to BLOW it so completely. I had to accept that it was an ERA JUST OVER.