Can't Blame No One
I gave my life to Jesus as a child, and somewhere in my teens I faded in my commitment. I gave birth to a wonderful gift, Adam, when I was 16. Rededicating my life back to Christ at 20, I began a journey full of excitement, along with scary challenges where few testified. Yet, as I continued the 'Call' up higher by Jesus Christ my Lord, I discovered that the Bible was the only voice testifying to the challenges opening up to me. I realized no matter what I was saying I believed - in my heart, my actions were speaking another faith... one that displayed an unspoken fear. Fears arising out of many concerns for life: Fear of failing and becoming just another 'Drama' statistic. You know! The, teenage Momma from my first love' Drama - The, absent Daddy growing-up and now absent Daddy for my gifted baby boy, Drama; The, finished high school late because of being pregnant, Drama; The, have to move out on my own with precious baby-boy 'Cause I can't take it 'Round here, NO MO!', Drama; The,'How high is my I.Q.?: Since I can't dress myself with some new clothes because my baby needs a new pair of shoes, and Got It!, Drama; The, insecurity of, 'Who am I?!: I can't get better grades for myself in college but, I can intern and teach remedial math, and now my students get A's in college!??, Drama; The, neighborhood pulling to get high or drunk, live wild but, 'I better run to church 5 days out of the week to keep from answering that call... again', Drama; The, 'How can I do AND become someone, that I don't even see in my neighborhood?', Drama. All these 'Drama' challenges and more, combined with the decisions that followed them, bought clarity over a short period time. Even though it seemed like it took forever,(drama does that, you know!), I finally got it! A truth played out in my head like a scene in a scary movie and then I understood why... so many challenges! In this scene I was standing in front of the building I moved into with my son, and looking up, I saw what I thought was a cloud. Yet, it was a host of ugly snarling devils coming at me to destroy me. I looked around to see if anyone else saw them, but everyone was oblivious to what was occurring. I had to do something, and do it fast or get hurt real bad! So I thought about what I had to fight with! What could I do to come out a winner! That's when I knew I needed more going for me than I had at the time. I knew I had to, learn how to fight the battle they were bringing. If I didn't, I would loose my everything! That was my epiphany. I now understood a little more about that Eden event in the Bible's book of Genesis. It wasn't a story just for then, it was a 'HEADS UP' for everyone since. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden, the Devil only comes to remove me (you and everyone) from my God-given 'Promised Land', just so he could take over! The enemy of my soul your soul, comes like a roaring lion seeking to devour whoever he can! So, No Matter What! I realized a fight was ALWAYS going to be there! Even after choosing right and saying 'NO!' to wrong, there is still another right, directly behind that one... waiting...waiting for me to choose it. And the Enemy of my soul is still there, seeking to attack me: trying to intimidate or seduce me into choosing wrong. I knew I wanted right, so I'd go higher; having learned enough of wrong taking me lower, deeper into fear. It is also when I realized more about God's mighty love and power providing the truth that equips me, to be more than a conqueror in this battle for my 'Promised Land'. Now I take a better stand! NO MORE BLAMING OTHERS!: It didn't help blaming my upbringing, my family, school system, the racism aimed at Black people, or the sexism aimed at women, nor my sons father for the startling reality of being a single, teen-aged Mom. I realized I helped myself when, I not only studied the Word of God, applied it to my life and sobered my mind for the challanges attacking me. I was even more empowered in my thinking, my feeliings and my determination when I eliminated blaming people, places and things for the constant battles. I am a dynamic woman of purpose, a power to be reconized for Godly change, a child of the King of kings, a chosen vessel for greatness, and more; 'Eye hasn't seen nor ear heard, nor has it entered into the hearts imagination, what God has in-store for them that love HIM!' And no matter what choices I made wrong, I am somebody s-o-o-o-o much more than my mistakes! So I have something excellent to fight for! My success and continued win is strengthened when I rid myself of playing the 'BLAME GAME'. I won't, ... I Can't Blame No One... I'm determined to win! Since writing these poems there has been much accomplished: Senior Class President in my Graduating year at Long Island University; Founder of 'The Committee For Racial Harmony', a university based student club that addressed a balanced curriculum for everyone; A Baccalaureate Degree in Science; A Certified Christian Counselor; A Prophet; A licensed and ordained: Minister, Evangelist, Pastor; Overseas Missionary (for 18 years now and worked in now 6 different countries expanding Gods kingdom); An Apostle since 1999 (overseeing 3 churches); Prepared to enter Medical School within 12 months; Co-Founded and Senior Pastor of Refreshing Waters Ministries (A world-wide missions ministry); Authored 2 books soon to be released,(with 7 more on the way); With a great deal more to come, having only warmed up! May God bless your heart, mind and spirit as you journey on!