Live from the Living Room
The story of Dan's humble beginnings is greatly unknown. Shrouded in mystery and concealment, the most we've been able to ascertain is that he was born a baby and raised in a small remote village by a pack of wild caribou. At the age of 10, he ran away from home and joined a traveling circus where he fell madly in love with a blind trapeze artist/elephant trainer named Brunhilda. After many unsuccessful attempts to court her, mainly due to the fact that she was never really able to appreciate the full magnitude of his 10 year old godlike physique, he abandoned all efforts, kissed Mazumbo the Elephant goodbye, and left the circus life behind. For the next 15 years he spent life as a freight train-guided hobo traveling all through the countryside. It was here that he learned to play guitar, acquired an unnatural appetite for canned sardines, and learned to speak 14 languages (albeit most were a jumbled blend of Elvish and Sanskrit). His path is riffed with twists and turns, ups and downs, heartbreak and heroism. Subsequently, his story is currently in consideration to be created into a major motion picture. Rumor has it that the leading role will be played by a young Brad Pitt. Dan currently resides in Houston, Texas with his incredibly sweet second grade school teacher trophy wife. Other fun facts: Dan was the first person ever knighted without being an Englishman In Canada he is known as 'Curler Dan' because of his mad skills with a broom He has climbed Everest, wrestled a Grizzly Bear, and raced in the Iditarod all last year. Oh yeah, and he's a secret agent killer ninja assassin on the weekends.